Canned LockDown Responses for Millennials with Social Anxiety

We all have to deal with lockdown stress and virtually interacting with humans. Here’s the difference: Anxiety is usually too much to deal with, but people are always too much to deal with. When you don’t know how to get out of a virtual social obligation during this lockdown, use these canned responses.

To Tell Them You’re Still Alive This one is a personal favorite. It allows you to apologize for being unreachable, but also informs the reader that you will continue to be unreachable for a while.

“Hey [Name],


Sorry I’ve been MIA. I needed to get off the grid for a while. I still do. Just didn’t want you to think it was personal. You honestly didn’t cross my mind in the slightest. Like, at all.

Talk to you at some point (maybe),


________”

To Decline a Call Invitation Thanks to lockdown, video chats are the new happy hour spot. Chances are, even at your most anti-social, you’ve attended more of these virtual happy hours than you thought you would. So don’t feel bad about taking a day off. Your bandwidth and your liver will thank you. Use this template when you need to decline a virtual meeting / video chat. “Hi [Name],

Thank you for thinking of me, but I will not be able to attend.

Like a proper first world consumer, I will be watching the 24-hour news cycle and adding unnecessary items to my Amazon cart. Feel free to send me a recording of the meeting, edited down to the important parts.


For real,


________”




To Put Off Answering a Dating App Message

Dating app conversations aren’t real conversations. That is to say, they don’t qualify as a priority for anyone, especially you. They’re just thirst traps, so don’t feel bad if you haven’t given a cold, hard damn about your hinge inbox. Ghosting is perfectly acceptable. But if completely ignoring your suitors makes you feel bad, send this to let them know you’ll reply when you feel like it:

“Hi [Name],


Thanks so much for your question about whether or not I want to hook up when all of this is over. I just wanted to let you know that I’m considering it and will get back to you with an answer sooner or later. If you don’t hear back from me by the end of lockdown, assume I ghosted.


Cheers,

[Your Name]”




Tell Them You Need it in Writing

Are people constantly telling you to empty your voicemail box? Instead of retyping your response each time, type it once and copy-paste that shit. It looks like this:

“Hi [Name],

Thanks for reaching out to alert me about my full mailbox.


As a millennial, I prefer to check my mailbox no more than twice a year. Yes, it does fill up fast! It’s mostly automated messages from debt collectors and telemarketers.


As the saying goes, important communications should be seen and not heard. Lol, guess you’ll just have to email me! If you have any questions along the way, don’t hesitate to reach out (via email or text).

Best,

[Your Name]”


© 2020 by Sanity Fair Podcast

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