Are You There Jeff Bezos? It's Me, Middle-aged Margaret

You're probably really busy counting all of your Amazon profits and laying off warehouse employees, I know. But I was wondering if there was any chance you could pull some strings and speed up a few deliveries for me:

First, I really need that sunless tanner to arrive so I can stop looking so ghostly. Then many the hot couple in the neighborhood will ask me and baby-daddy to play couples tennis when all of this is over.

Second, I'm eager to try that butt muscle stimulator for the same reason as listed above. My ass can look hot if I put in the effort, but squats blow. Being honest, that thing has a 3.5/5 star rating (so this is a gamble for both of us.)

And third, I bought my son the "Son Uva Digger" monster truck for $22 and it ended up being smaller than a bar of soap. Wtf. In these trying times $22 should get you 1/4 of a real 2003 Dodge Neon. So...Can you, like, ban that seller from Amazon for life?

Thanks again,

Middle-Aged Margaret